A grateful heart

It's no secret (I think) that I have some... not nice feelings... about some family members. It's no one in my immediate family and no one that reads this blog but usually around holidays or family gatherings my heart swells and not with warm fuzzies.

When around these people I listen for reasons to affirm my feelings... anything they say or do can and WILL be used against them. On the ride home I will rehash every annoyance and idiosyncrasy to Jeff, my words dripping with venom, my heart black with contempt.

While these people aren't the greatest of beings and most would agree with me in regards to my feelings (to an extent), the only person really being hurt by my disdain is myself.

I once heard that bitterness and resentment is letting someone live rent-free in your heart and this could not be more true!

This picture is a good illustration of what Paul says to the Ephesians about bitterness... and I have seen this played out in my life. I have allowed a bitterness to take root, out of sight, beneath the surface... and it is producing ugly fruit. Fruit that reveals the state of my heart.

But God is GOOD. I have prayed almost daily (or at least as often as I write in my journal!) that He would change my heart toward these people... and I can feel it changing. I don't think of them with disgust... true I'm not going to call any of them up and ask to go get coffee, but the thought of running into them at a family function doesn't make me want to pluck out all of my eyebrows.

One day at a time... :)


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