The implications...

My brother-in-law just got out of the Marines. He and his girlfriend moved here from North Carolina a couple of weeks ago and I was fortunate to get to go to lunch with them a couple of days after they arrived.

"What's the hardest part about being a mom?" that's what his girlfriend asked me.

I wasn't expecting it. I didn't know what to say. I think I said something about expectations from family or something like that. They said they had expected me to say lack of sleep... but really that's not it.

I know now what I would say.

Everything has implications. The way I speak to Jeff... that's how I'm speaking to my child's father now. I am affecting the way he sees his daddy.

How much time I spend on my iphone? That matters. It's showing my son that my phone is more important than he is.

It's that everything I do matters now. More than it seemed to matter before... I know everything has ramifications in a sense. But now it seems so tangible. So real. So heavy.

So, facing our first Christmas together with a child... I wonder, how do we do Christmas? What matters? What do we believe? Because now... how we celebrate that our Savior came as a baby to rescue us MATTERS. It really truly does. It is a big deal. I want my son to see that it's a big deal. I don't know what that looks like or how to show him that... but I feel it so much on my heart.

Praying for wisdom.


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