//the time i found the lump//

A few months ago I found a lump. I assumed it was pregnancy related.

It's been growing.

I am having it checked out.

Statistically, I realize, it is likely nothing. But aren't we, as women, raised to be terrified of all things lump and breast-related? We've seen the ad campaigns, the hallmark movies, the after-school specials. I've heard almost as much about breast cancer as I have about eating disorders.

I had to have a different lump checked out about 5 years ago.

There's a different kind of fear when you have children, I realize. I shudder to think of them growing up without me... as if I am the only person who could really love them or educate them or show them Jesus.

In my head, I know that's not true.

But my heart is so torn. Over this uncertainty. I did not realize I could be so fearful. I am trying my hardest to lean into Jesus and reading Philippians 4... desperately wanting to rejoice in the Lord, always, and think on what is true, lovely, honorable...

But so much of us is rooted in our temporary home, isn't it? As much as we speak of being exiles in a foreign land... we really are pretty content here, aren't we? In our temporary residence... with our people and our things. I love my people.

Just needed to get this out... "off my chest..." ;)


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