Because this is how it really is...

I am so tired.

My wonderful kids... I love them.

They do not sleep well. Dax is still waking every couple of hours despite being nearly 7-months-old. Chief wakes a couple of times at night. Both are up and ready to go before 6 AM every morning.

It's just the way it is.

I do ok. Not today, though.

Today I was frustrated and irritable. I bemoaned the perfunctory tasks that come with the life of a stay-at-home mom. Tasks that I normally take in stride.

I bared my clenched teeth and cussed under my breath at the older woman this morning who scorned me for "freezing my babies" as we were out for a run with the stroller (it was 52 degrees. My kids were wearing beanies, jackets, gloves, pants, socks and blankets.)

I mindlessly zoned out in front of the computer reading the recap of the most recent Parenthood episode... because who has time to watch new TV?

But here we are at 4:20 PM. Dinner is made. It just needs to be reheated. I am exhausted. My kids are both sleeping. I just watched 2 episodes of Gilmore Girls and ate way too much Halloween candy. In fact, I am full and a little sick.

Reading over this I feel a little ridiculous. What in my life do I have to complain about? I am fighting some mom guilt about not teaching Chief (my 2 1/2 year old) his letters or numbers. I am fighting guilt about not playing with Dax more. What is my deal?

The truth is... not every day is like this. It's not always so cursory. There are high highs and low lows. I laugh a lot and am on the verge of tears just as often. It's such an emotional roller coaster and extremely sanctifying.

I want to be the sparkly stay-at-home mom who looks awesome in yoga pants and has shiny hair. I want to sing to my children and teach them to paint. But I'm not always that person... in fact I probably won't ever look awesome in yoga pants and have shiny hair.

I am, however, exactly who God made me to be. This sounds cliche, but it is a truth I regularly cling to. The verse is "I PRAISE YOU for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Praising God is the point. He is the master architect of me and made me exactly who I am for a reason and gave me these exact kids for a reason. I have to cling to His sovereignty on days like this... days where I am doubting my capability as a mom. I mean, seriously, I hadn't changed a diaper before I had a baby...

I hope this can be an encouragement to someone else.


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