So that was 2014...

Oh my word...

I maybe blogged once a month, if even that, in 2014. So, looking back over my posts isn't the best way to come up with a recap for the year.

In big news, I had another baby. A baby that drove me to my breaking point... a baby that showed me I am not capable of making everyone like me... I am not capable of succeeding at all the things... especially when I am in a season of life where success isn't exactly measurable (my kids survived today...) The pregnancy was difficult. God keeps showing me I need to SLOW. THE. EFF. DOWN. and just rest in him.

I started counseling. Still doing that. The funny thing about counseling is you don't feel like you're getting any better... because it just makes you more self-aware. The lies you have been believing are in everything... it's so pervasive. So, now, every time I want to offer to help someone, I pause. Why am I doing this? Because I love them and want to serve them? Or because I want to be liked? It's so woven in who I am. So it makes me feel like I am worse, because I see it in all of my thoughts. But, really, isn't this better?

Jeff and I had a HARD year. Lots of not sleeping. Not touching. Exhaustion. Not communicating. But I think we are turning a corner. We celebrated 5 years of marriage in October. That's a kindergartner. I should have more realistic expectations of a kindergarten marriage, right? We are doing so much better. I regularly tell him my insecurities and he, graciously, encourages me and points me to Jesus. That's a good place to be.

I am trying to figure out what goals for 2015 look like. Clearly, I need some kind of plan for spending time with Jesus. I need time with Jesus. It needs to be a priority. Also, self-care. Hello. I need time alone to read. I need extrovert time with friends sans babies. I need to shower regularly. My marriage needs time. Regular date nights have. to. happen. Praying for wisdom in all of this.

Once I figure out the goals thing, I'll blog about it. Maybe blogging more often should be a goal?


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