When you want to be all of the things and it's just not time for that...

There will be time for that. I promise, there will.

I am a strong feeler. I love, love music. There are songs that make me feel so alive... songs that make me want to sing so loud I am almost shouting.

I love, love food. I want to learn how to chop correctly. I want to taste food from everywhere. I want to travel extensively... following my appetite, eating how the natives eat.

I love running. I want to run everywhere. I want to explore by running. I want to run to new restaurants.

I am a reader. I love books. I want to read all of the books on all of the lists of books you should read before you die.

I am a learner. I want to be in school forever. I genuinely enjoy studying and learning and discussing topics with other learners and quizzing and being quizzed and note-taking.

I read in a Shauna Niequist book that her mother taught her that "if you take the next right step, if you live a life of radical and honest prayer, if you allow yourself to be led by God's Spirit, no matter how far from home and familiarity it takes you, you won't have to worry about where you want to be when you grow up. You'll be too busy living a life of passion and daring."

Right now, the next step looks a little like the last. I feel like I am living in some sort of Groundhog Day. Play with small boys... this involves a lot of trucks and blocks. Read a lot of books about cars and diggers. Correct. Train. Encourage (this happens less often than I would like to admit).

I daydream about traveling. I see my single friends hiking in Peru on Facebook, eating creamy pasta with crusted bread in Italy, running marathons in San Francisco, getting together for brunch and throwing back black coffee with picturesque blueberry muffins and runny eggs (isn't that just second breakfast? How late do you people sleep?) I get the social media thing... we are only seeing their best moments. But I can't help but yearn for all of these loves and passions I have.

But I know that just because I am not doing that today, it doesn't mean never. It also doesn't mean that I can't be fully present in where God has me today. God, the infinitely wise architect of the entire universe, knit me together for this exact day. The next step looks like praying for wisdom on how to lovingly parent my sensitive toddler. The next step looks like washing the dishes from lunch so that I can use them again for dinner. The next step looks like faithfulness in small things. And, sure, it may involve sneaking in a chapter or two of a new book... or planning a family vacation to Destin in May. The way God created me doesn't have to be squashed until my children are old enough. It just looks different for now. I don't have to be all of the things... I can just rest in being the things God created and equipped me to be today. I can be all of the things, someday. It's just not time for all of them.


Popular Posts