It's finally fall, the leaves are "somersaulting" as my three-year-old says, and I am finally turning a corner in health... starting to feel a little like myself again and regain some much-needed energy for chasing two small boys and growing a human... have I mentioned I am pregnant again?

We have been in a season of Transition with a capital T. It feels as if everything has been turned on its head and all that seemed stable is revealing cracks. I keep reaching out for something to grab on to... feeling so untethered and forgotten, as if I am going to blow away in the Oklahoma gusts. I can't shake this feeling... this feeling of walking on the moon. I just want to stop bouncing but there's no rope to grab to pull myself down to the ground.

All of our plans for the last three years seem to have been for naught. We strongly believe that God is in control and that things are falling into place, not out of order... but it's hard to live that out practically. Plans should always be held with an open hand... I've said that before... but that's a lot easier to say in theory, or when a morning trip to the zoo falls through. Not when you base all major life decisions on a trajectory that ends up being uprooted at the last moment... exposing all of the poor soil and lack of absorption. The plans that seemed so sturdy have now been revealed to be starving.

So, once again, we are in a season of holding out open hands, asking God, "what do we do?" Of course, given the state of the world and knowing that so many families are going through much more difficult times, I'm not silly enough to think that my situation is dire. But still, the confusion is real and my struggle to be an encouragement to my husband and anchor for my sons is not something to minimize. We are choosing to trust that, as always, God is not surprised by this and ordained it to bring Him glory and us an ultimate good. So, we rejoice in this season and recognize that we are not, in fact, untethered. God is always our tether, always our anchor. It's just when we focus so much on ourselves that we forget that. He sees the bigger picture... and for that we are grateful.


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