Because it's been a minute...

I haven't written in quite some time.

Most of my writing takes place in my journal... it's very harebrained and nonsensical with a few coherent thoughts, prayers and Bible verses included. My most recent entries are comprised of my inability to make a single New Year's resolution. I think it's the Type B in me that fights any idea of goal-setting. I am a fairly driven person... I do things if they make sense. I am an intense researcher and am willing to commit to a change in diet or exercise or method of parenting if I can justify it with lots of facts. So, that might be why I struggle so much with resolutions. They seem arbitrary... January seems arbitrary. All of that to say, I did pick a word for 2015... and it was "Rest" or "Abide." I allowed everything else to fall under the umbrella... I was going to focus on resting in Jesus and abiding in the Holy Spirit... so, when it came to goals or diets or planning, I prayed about it. A lot. And I can say that, despite a fairly difficult year, I never really felt out of control. There were fleeting moments where I felt untethered... but in my mind I never felt like I was in a place of unrest. I was able to rest in the fact that God was not surprised by what was happening and that he actually ordained it... that his not answering specific prayers was for a reason that my brain could not comprehend. Sometimes his denial of grace in our lives is actually a much larger grace that we cannot yet see. I am starting to see small glimpses of that but, in the meantime, I am trusting that he is, as he always has been, good.

For 2016 instead of choosing one word I chose two... a phrase I suppose. "Faithful obedience." Everything can fall under that umbrella. Even when I do not understand, I will act in faithful obedience and continue to trust that God's word is, as it always has been, true and he is for my good and his glory. That means being faithful in the great commission... inviting neighbors over. It also means being faithful in my marriage... pursuing my husband. Faithfulness by taking care of my body, mothering my children, loving my church family... all of these are simply ways I can obey God and show him to the world around me. Not because I am placing my hope in having a great marriage, body or obedient children... but because my hope is in Christ and what he did for me. That is the only way I can be obedient.


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