There are so many times in a day where I throw my hands up in the air... almost as if to say, "I can't do this." It's true that I can't... and I am reminded of that far more often than I would like to be.

I've been thinking about the word "trust" a lot lately. We tell our boys that we discipline them because we love them and that they can trust us because we want what is truly the best for them.

Every time I say this, I think, "we are basically indoctrinating them. We are setting their standard for 'trust.' They have no real reason to know whether or not to trust us." I'm not exactly a cynical person... I tend to give the benefit of the doubt and am usually surprised when people let me down. Which is funny... given my tendency to withhold my trust from God.

We have had a fairly serious situation arise in my family recently. As usual, I make a plan, tell everyone what I think they should do and how it should be handled, and then get frustrated when things don't go my way. It's usually at this point in my cycle of alleged control that I find myself, once again, with my hands in the air declaring, "I can't do this!" This is when I decide all there is that's left to do is trust God.

I say I believe the Bible is 100% true. All of those  verses about God's goodness, wisdom, faithfulness, unchanging character... I have several memorized and spout them off to my children throughout the day. But, when it's go time, there I am again, frustrated.

if I believe that I have no good apart from the Lord (Psalm 16:2), that He answers me and delivers me from my fears (Psalm 34:4), that He is my refuge, my fortress, my God, in whom I trust (Psalm 91:2), why is it that I believe in my small, finite self? I believe that me, with my limited knowledge and abilities, can really lean on my own understanding? Doesn't Proverbs 3 say that if I acknowledge Him in all my ways, HE is the one who will make straight my paths? I'm not capable of this on my own... which I find myself realizing time and time again.

So, here I am again, preaching God's wisdom and trustworthiness to myself... believing He is really the source of wisdom. I may not see His hand working all things together for my good and for the good of those who love Him, but His word says He is. He has proved Himself time and time again for all of eternity and has proved His love for me by sending His Son. I think that is worth resting in and trusting... knowing I can cast my anxieties on Him, since He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).


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