The First Step in the Mommy Wars

I think there are probably enough blog posts in the world lamenting the mommy wars. Clean houses versus dirty; breast versus bottle; homeschool versus public school... I could go on.

On that note, however, I know that I am not exactly above the wars of mommydom. In fact, I would go as far to say I am a foot soldier. Not necessarily general status- we can give that to the extended-breastfeeding mom on cover of Time magazine. But in my mind, I am right there with her.

I was recently perusing my FB feed when I stumbled across an acquaintance who had recently birthed her second child a few short months ago. She had posted a picture of her beach vacay in which she, proud, smiling, a child atop each hip, was wearing a BIKINI. A bikini, y'all. And this wasn't a "proud of my stripes" picture... homegirl had abs. And, by abs, I mean ABDOMINAL MUSCLES. Like whoa. The caption? "Glad to be back to my pre-baby weight!" followed by a slew of emojis indicating working out and healthy eating choices.

Guys, that is not "pre-baby weight." That is some hustle. So, there I was, my laptop comfortably resting on my post-baby pooch (my third child is 5-months-old), staring incredulously at this picture. Even after my first child, I never looked like that. So, to prevent myself from the inevitable shame spiral, I went into Judge Judy mode.

"She only looks like that because she spends all of her time working out instead of with her children."

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Guys, I probably won't have ab muscles ever again. I did, once. In high school. But I was 15, playing soccer and doing power tumbling. I'm not saying I won't ever have abs because I am prioritizing my children over working out... because I do, in fact, work out. I won't have abs because of my affinity for waffles and peanut butter. That's the culprit.

This other mom isn't a lesser mom than I am because she is able to reign in the carb train. She isn't a lesser mom than I am because of her lower BMI. She probably spends plenty of time with her kids and loves them just as much as any mother loves her children. Conversely, I am not a lesser mom because I love chocolate shakes after I workout.

So, let's end the  mommy wars at the first step. At that first judgmental thought. Let's "like" the picture and maybe even give it a thumbs up emoji. Let's cheer on that mom who is doing the mom thing differently than we are. We all just want reasonably well-adjusted kids that go on to get a degree and move out and not be sociopaths. We are all working toward that same goal. Some of us just do it with abs while some of us do it with bagels. Toasted. With extra cream cheese, please.


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