He Never Changes

"I just feel like I'm in this spiritual rut. I know I'm not supposed to be all feel-y about it. But it's where I am and sometimes I just want to FEEL connected to God and FEEL His presence."

That was allllll me. In all of my theological, strong T Meyers-Briggs personality glory. I wanted God to just FEEL near. To  be seeking me, regardless of whatever I happened to be doing, and then to have this magical 5-minute "quiet time" that left me feeling uber-spiritual and ready to tackle anything, Fruit of the Spirit in hand.

As I write this, I am bouncing a fussy (almost) one-year-old on my knee and just (sort of) politely asked my boys to please. go. back. outside. because they think speaking at volume 11 (these go to 11- name that dated reference!) is acceptable. I went to the doctor a couple of days ago for a nagging chest pain, certain that I had heart disease or lung cancer only to hear, "you have three small children. It's likely underlying stress due to your life stage." Thanks. She recommended I take naps  and baths. Sure. Oh, and cut back on caffeine. Which sort of seems like a death sentence. Give me caffeine or give me death! I digress.

All of this to say, the two-hour sessions with my journal and bible of yesteryear aren't as realistic in my current season. I am lucky to grab a paragraph of BSF notes here and there. I try to keep up with my daily (ehh... every other day) Bible reading plan simply because it's on my phone.

I've read Jen Wilkin's books and listened to her talks on YouTube and I GET how important it is to prioritize deep study of the Word... but I so desperately want to ask her, what did this look like when your four children were little? I need practical advice. My kids were up this morning at 5:30 AM. So, getting up before them to have Bible study time seems impossible. When do the floors get swept? When does the laundry get folded? So many details. I know to prioritize Jesus. I know that no one accidentally drifts into holiness, but rather we barrel, full steam ahead, toward our selfish desires.

Yesterday, the kids and I were in the car and Austin Stone's "You Never Change" came on. I couldn't help but be the crazy lady, driving down the road, tears streaming down my face with my hand (just one, other on the wheel, safety first) raised, praising God.

My strength to stand, all of my days are in Your hands. 

All of them. Even the ones with little people who wake before the sun after a sleepless night with a teething baby. Even the ones with marital discord and newfound wrinkles. Even the ones with illness and death. Even the ones where the Word feels like reading sandpaper and the emotional Quiet Times are nowhere to be found.

My light to see, Your glory goes before me

Psalm 119 says Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. It also says that we can trust God to direct our steps, and to not let sin have dominion over us.

My King, You reign. My Rock and You never change.

This is the line that always gets me. I change so often, every day. My emotions, feelings, mood. My body changes, my life situation changes, my kids change, my marriage changes. Nothing is stable on this earth. I have nothing temporal in which I can sink roots. But the Lord, He is the same, yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).

So, even when I don't FEEL close to God, that doesn't change God's character. He is close. He is everywhere and His Spirit lives inside me. Even if I don't FEEL connected, I am. Philippians 4:8 says to think about whatever is TRUE. So often, I neglect to do this. I neglect to do as Paul says in Romans 12 and to renew my MIND so I can discern the will of God. I really just want to FEEL good and spiritual.

So, Godspeed to you, friend. Think on what is true, holy, right, pure, lovely, admiral, excellent, praiseworthy... think about these things. And remember, God doesn't change. And this is definitely worth thinking on.
Beautiful landscape lake - Public Domain Picture


  1. Hi, Kara - I stumbled upon your blog from Desiring God. :) I wanted to say I have an 8-year-old and a 10-year-old now, and the days of Bible study while they are little are HARD. I hear ya that you KNOW the importance, but it's so hard to practically get there. I have a few thoughts, if you'd like...but I know that from a stranger, it'd come across a bit self-righteous, and I am not meaning that at all. :) Anyway...didn't know if your comment about Jen Wilkin and not knowing HOW to accomplish Bible study when your kids were little was theoretical or not. :)

    BTW, so glad I stumbled upon you. :) - Anna

    1. Anna, I would love to hear your thoughts! I am desperate to hear from anyone that is a step or two ahead of me in parenting, especially when it involves getting in more of the Word.


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